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  • Writer's pictureDavid Mathews

Scone shocker

I warned you, didn’t I, in my scone stories, how deep the feelings ran in this vicious cream-on-first/jam-on-first argument? Now National Trust members are in uproar, after Lanhydrock got it wrong. They are resigning by the truckload. Pickets are stationed on both sides of the Tamar Bridge, making sure that ready-jammed or ready-creamed scones do not cross what was once a frictionless border between Devon and Cornwall (or Cornwall and England, according to certain sensibilities).

The USA has done its usual. The State Department came out in favour of cream on first. Trump tweeted for jam, and promised a Devonian amendment to the constitution banning the primacy of cream. He then changed his mind, and simply sacked his Secretary of State instead. Much simpler.

Theresa May has blamed Michel Barnier, accusing him of seeking to undermine our Protected Designations of Origin (PDOs).

Jeremy Corbyn stated that Rodda’s, the clotted cream makers, donated £49.52 to Redruth Conservative Party at a fundraiser. The House received the revelation in stunned silence.

Boris Johnson’s comment was mercifully unintelligible through a mouthful of scone. Johnson is well-known not to care which way round jam and cream are delivered.

Rodda’s were not available for comment, having doubled production overnight, boosting their likely profits and tax liability, and in consequence making the calculations in the Chancellor’s spring statement seem excessively cautious.

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