China’s pioneering Chang'e-4 lander finds lorry-carrying ship in deserted moon crater 'Ramsgate'. Finding made by UK Department of Transport plutonium-powered Mk 2 Due Diligence Detector.

Chang'e-4 also carries 3kg container of potato and arabidopsis plant seeds. Labour party members volunteer Jeremy Corbyn for year’s sabbatical to tend lunar allotment.

OTHER NEWS FROM SPACE

Fresh from surveying Ultima Thule, record-breaking New Horizons is repurposed to chase down Chris Grayling’s credibility in the Kuiper Belt. But will probe's 14 kilometres per second be fast enough to catch this apparition?

Hubble Telescope identifies distant earth-like planet suitable for life. Sajid Javid puts Border Force on standby.

Space probe Osiris-Rex waits to touch down on asteroid Bennu, but results not promising. 'I'm not leaving until you promise to vote for me,' Mrs May tells Mission Control.